


A Man(?) Walks Into A Bar

by ChangelingChilde



Category: Event Horizon (1997)
Genre: Crack Treated Semi-Seriously, Gen, Star Wars References, Vantablack Comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-21
Updated: 2017-11-21
Packaged: 2019-02-05 05:26:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12787986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChangelingChilde/pseuds/ChangelingChilde
Summary: I am firmly of the opinion that William Weir could really use a drink.





	A Man(?) Walks Into A Bar

Moe Eisley's may well have outdone its fictional namesake in dirtiness, outlawry and general unpleasant goings-on, but that didn't mean that Weir fit in. Just because it was a hellhole didn't mean that a man with a freshly shredded face could walk in and have a drink without anyone noticing.

On the other hand, the bartender did give him a drink with nothing but a comment of "looks like you've had quite the day today, haven't you?"

"Oh yes, it's been lovely!" came the rather worrisome response.

Not long after Weir had sat down, dribbling alcohol through a rend in his cheek, a bouncer walked up to him. "We're not going to have to deal with whoever did that to you, are we?"

Weir laughed. "No, I won't be any trouble."

The bouncer looked a bit confused, but shrugged and went back to his post.

 

An hour or so later, a thoroughly drunken Weir was regaling the bar with rather confused explanations of stellar physics as it applied to religious damnation. Most of the people were paying a fair amount of attention, since a man with no eyes and half a dozen bleeding face wounds was more often seen in a medbay than a bar. Also, Weir was quite loud and his voice sounded like it had gone through some kind of mechanical processing.

"A WORMHOLE IS A PORTAL THROUGH ANOTHER REALITY. Kind of. IS IT NOT TRUE THAT SOMETHING AKIN TO HELL IS A POSSIBLE REALITY FOR IT TO GO THROUGH? IS IT NOT POSSIBLE THAT AN ALCUBIERRE DRIVE MIGHT WARP SPACE IN A WAY THAT IS DANGEROUS TO TRAVEL THROUGH? Too many 'through's there, William. Dammit."

"I've never heard of such a thing," said the barman, who was starting to get annoyed. "What makes you ask?"

Weir just looked at him with pity for a moment, then slumped a bit. "I've been there. Why else would my face look like this?"

"Shaving accident?" joked another drunk man at a nearby table.

"Very few people shave their eyeballs," said Weir with mock gravity, then grinned. "I'll have to try that next time."

"Are you planning to go blind again, then?"

"Why yes, actually, I do it on a regular basis. Where I've gone only the blind can see." And with that helpful comment he passed out.


End file.
